Conflict Resolution

Moments of frustration, whether they are associated with a friend, a family member, or a disagreement in your everyday life, are common. Sometimes we don’t realize that we can use positive strategies to deal with conflict. Other times, practical strategies fail because the interpersonal conflict mirrors a clash between two sides of ourselves that were already wrestling before the disagreement began. Triggers are hard to manage, and sometimes they reflect echoes of past trauma.

Interpersonal Stances in a Conflict

• Avoidance: This is the person who wishes to ignore the problem, hoping it will dissipate or disappear. Unfortunately, quite the opposite happens in this situation—the problem swells under the surface until it’s no longer avoidable and at risk of exploding. 
• Standing Your Ground: People who use this technique may appear controlling and aggressive in their communication. They fear that their needs will not be met unless they set the rules and direct the conversation. 
• Surrendering: Often perceived as the diplomat, the person using this tactic concedes to the needs of others. They prioritize the opinions and needs of others over their own because preserving the relationship is their ultimate goal. 
• Compromise/Sacrifice: This method involves a series of trade-offs, which may seem like a good approach, but it is not always the most effective. People in this category focus on what they want rather than fully understanding the other person’s viewpoint. 
• Collaboration: People who practice collaboration seek win-win solutions. They identify common aspirations and needs, ensuring that every party feels their opinions and feelings are valued and heard. This style requires a high level of cooperation, assertiveness, and communication.

Understanding your needs and behavior patterns fosters internal insight. This knowledge provides a foundation for conflict resolution. However, simply identifying your interpersonal pattern may not always empower you to navigate conflict effectively. Self-exploration with a therapist can help you recognize not only your style but also your triggers linked to trauma and blind spots.